Growing up

I took pictures of Brody cause he was looking so cute before he left for school the day they were taking school pictures and I have video of Ryan crawling...are my children growing up or what. Why do things like this bring tears to mother's eyes? We are strong but so weak at the same time!! For me, I look forward to my kids growing up and enjoying the good things that come with being older (less dependant and such) but then I know I will miss having "little ones"! I included other pictures of Brody where I thought he was looking particularly cute.

over due....Ryan is 8 months old!

I can't believe our little baby Ryan is 8 months old already. He was 8 months on October 13th but that was day with the official news so the post was put off and then I sort of forgot.

Ryan has had a tough time teething lately. In between teeth grinding, fussing and inconsolable fits Ryan has been a spitfire who likes to babble and squeal. Ryan is very happy (not counting the fussiness from teething I just outlined). He is also a bit of a chunk and we love it. He is very ticklish and laughs and giggles a lot. He likes to sit and watch his brother play, he likes to stay active in his walker and jumper. Ryan is working on crawling and is eager to get around. Once he crawls I feel like I won't have my baby anymore. Since this is our second baby I am dreading everyday that he gets older cause I love my little baby.

We are so happy to have Ryan in our family and we have loved seeing his personality develop. Normally I have the pictures come after the post but I have been having to use a different computer in the house cause our main one broke (after almost 6 years) and I haven't been able to get some things to work. But those are the pictures we have recently taken. Ryan is just the cutest!!

Winter comes early in our house

I know I am strange in many ways. I accepted that about myself years ago. So it will come to no surprise to many that I love winter, I love the cold, wearing jackets and sweaters is wonderful to me. Maybe I am wrong that liking the cold is strange but more so expected from a native of Arizona and its extreme heat. Perhaps if I had lived through a real winter with actual snow I would not feel the same way. I love when it gets cold enough that to have soup with bread to dip it in and hot chocolate with some toast just feels great (just always have to add bread onto things I guess)!

Around this time every year for the past few years the house gets a head of the weather outside. Some may know and some may not what a "swamp cooler" or "evap cooler" is - it is cheaper than using air conditioning and it makes the house MUCH cooler than air conditioning. We have been sleeping in 50 and 60 degrees in our house. I put my boys to bed in very warm pajamas and socks. I have been wearing long sleeves and long pants with socks as well.

While this weekend it was past 100 degrees in October I was sweating outside and I thanked the Lord for giving mankind the intelligence to create things like evap coolers and I thank my husband for keeping up with the sometimes annoying maintenance it brings.

I couldn't get the order right with the pictures but other than kids bundled up in our cold house we also got pictures of Brody helping Jake plant the winter lawn two weeks ago. It was really cute to see him try to use his little shovel and mimic what Jake was doing. He was scooping the shovel in and out so fast the stuff feel off his shovel before he could put it on the grass. Brody was very cute and happy about helping though. Jake has many hopes in a couple years to have a helper with the yard work!

Official

This morning was Brody's evaluation with the psychologist at Southwest Behavioral Health. This appointment was made in July and starting in August we have looked into Brody having Autism so needless to say we were anxious to know the outcome of this appointment. After about an hour of information gathered from Jake and I, as well as some observation of Brody, she gave him a diagnosis of Autism. The psychologist went through the traits of children with Autism (most of which I have heard and read before) that are the guidelines to diagnose the disorder.

There will be another evaluation for a diagnosis with the behavioral and developmental doctor sometime in December or January. I believe he is the type of doctor that can place Brody somewhere on the Autism Spectrum (which is basically a way to see how serious a child is on the spectrum of the autism disorder).

As we have been preparing ourselves for this diagnosis, Jake and I noticed on the way home that it is still very difficult. Though we have read and researched a lot over the past couple months that really helped support a diagnosis of Autism there was still a small hope we had that perhaps an expert could explain that, though Brody exhibits certain traits, he will grow up to be a fine and well-adjusted boy and normal in every way.

As I watched Brody, so unattached to the world around him, in the psychologist's office and we were hearing her words, that were not surprising or unexpected, it still hurts. There is a range of emotions you go through as a parent during times like these.

-We are heart broken that Brody has these problems, not necessarily that the culmination of his problems and issues are called Autism
-We are sad that Brody has so many obstacles he will face over the coming years.
-We are frustrated and angry as to how, after having a normal and typical baby, we have come to where we are with him.
-We are overwhelmed by how much work we have a head of us
-We are upset about how extremely expensive it is to truly help Brody, cause Jake and I hate to think Brody will not get the help he needs cause we don't have the money.
-We are worried about Ryan and what life could have in store for him - whether he has the disorder too or will he be neglected as we work with Brody so much.
-We am stressed and concerned about how we handle Brody and what helps or hinders him from progressing

To many reading this, it is difficult to understand if you don't know much about Autism and even more difficult if you have never been around a child with Autism. These emotions I am talking about might come off strange to some reading this post.

How Jake and I feel has nothing to do with being critical of how Brody acts or what Brody is capable of - it is merely realizing that Brody is at a point developmentally where we have to see reality so that Brody can get the help he needs. This doesn't have to do with being critical of our parenting. The parent of a child with Autism is their child's number one advocate and therapist. How we handle Brody's development, methods of handling a tantrum, etc. has a direct effect on Brody being able to progress. What we do now can help or hinder Brody from reaching necessary milestones. Since Jake and I want Brody to have the same experiences in life as other children by making friends, going to a normal classroom, graduating from high school, getting married, etc. we are going to do all we can to help him.

We love Brody more than words. Brody has always been so happy and sweet tempered. In some ways his behavior has changed that but it is only at times. Brody's smile and giggles is a light in our world. We cherish our time with him despite the setbacks and tough times. We love playing with him and we love being with him.

Our little family has received SO many prayers, support and love along the way from our wonderful family and friends and I am certain it will continue. We thank everyone for constantly checking in to see how Brody and us are doing with everything. We are so grateful for all the prayers - during certain times with Brody we have felt them. Though the road is still very long for Brody, we have already seen little miracles and little bits of progress

So there is the official word and we will move on from here with hope and faith

A few words that meant a lot

Usually I "make the rounds" with Brody before I put him in his room to go to sleep for the night. By making the rounds I mean I like to take Brody around to the special people in his life to try to have him say goodnight. Due to Jake's previous job and his current job he is almost never at home when Brody goes to bed. It is usually his baby brother Ryan and his Grandma. If other family is over when he goes to bed I take him to them to say goodnight. On the rare occasion Brody decides to kiss goodnight it would be for Ryan a very soft head tap or lean in toward Ryan. If he doesn't give Grandma a kiss goodnight there might be some eye contact. With the way Brody has been the last couple of years, even eye contact is good and kisses are even better. It shows that unlike many children with autism Brody can show affection and it is a form of socialization and connecting with others that is wonderful to see.

Jake stayed home from work yesterday which has never happened since he started this job months ago. Last night, Jake and our little family had the blessing that our little boy (who is 3 years and 4 months old) looked right at his daddy and said, for the very first time, "Night, Night Daddy". For Brody this is huge!

Jake and I cried and hugged our little Brody very tight and close. He was smiling so big cause he got such a huge and positive reaction for what he did. I could also tell from his reaction that Brody had no idea why it was such a big deal speaking those few words.

I am sure anytime a child says those words or "Mommy" or "I love you" or something like it for the first time it makes a parent so happy and I am sure there isn't anything like the sound of your child's voice. But Jake and I have been waiting for about 2 years to hear words from Brody.

In Jenny McCarthy's Louder Than Words she refers to an autism window and pulling your child out of it. It is a great analogy. Events like tonight is a great example of the window opening a bit. I wanted to include a little bit from her book. It was an incident that reminded me of last night plus it is a short little story that pulls at your heartstrings.

THE WINDOW OPENS A LITTLE

I looked down and saw Evan's big blue eyes staring at me. It wasn't his normal glazed-over look. He seemed clear-eyed. He tugged on my leg again, and I got down on my knees and said, "Hey, little bird, what's going on?"

He looked at me again and said with all of his might, "Want...to...go...swimming."

John was standing next to me at the time and leaped into the air. "Did you just hear that?" he screamed.

My eyes filled with tears, and I nodded. I couldn't believe it. Evan had said a sentence. This was huge. HUGE! It was everything. The window has just gotten wider, and I was pulling my baby out! John picked him up and ran outside, and they both jumped into the pool with their clothes on.

Chills went through my whole body, and I cried as John and Evan splashed in the water. Up to this point Evan would say only one word at a time, and only words for objects. The fact that he had just blurted out a four-word sentence was honestly a miracle.

Miracles happen and we are praying for more for our little Brody. For now we will take the small miracles and cherish them.

Thanks for our family and friends who constantly pray for us.