Venting

My mind works in a strange way. I might be frustrated with one thing but then because of that frustration I pile on other things that might be related to it and then instead of being frustrated about one thing I grow to being angry about a lot of things.



I try to be a positive and relatively happy person.



But today was one of those days.



I hate money. I know most would say I have that opinion cause I don't have it...that might be the case. It is not like I have much to compare to.



Money and greed has become the motivator for modern day evil and horrible deeds. Money is the culprit that causes wars, spurs on the selfishness of big businesses and the government and money even is what can cause problem in marriages and relationships.



That is an opinion I have had most of my life.



Knowing that opinion of mine already it would be no surprise to know I am adding to that opinion. Certain people out there (i.e. special needs children) are in bad circumstances to begin with and without money their situation is made worse which makes it difficult to ever get "ahead" in life.



The angry realization I came to today that started with a frustration I while working with the State. The Arizona government funds the Department of Economic Security (DES) and the Division of Developmental Disabilities (DDD)is a part of DES. I am attempting to have DDD pay for a program that I am trying to get Brody into so he doesn't regress too much without being in a structured environment with other kids between now the time school starts. After dealing with it through lots of follow up consisting of many phone calls and emails for the past week and half I realize one overwhelming fact that makes me more angry than I have ever been:



If Jake and I didn't have to go through the state funded programs (which are basically out of all money and continuing to cut-back) and it takes tons of work to get ANYTHING done it would mean we could do everything we wanted and just pay out of our pocket. Brody could go to one of the few amazing schools that specializes in special education for children with autism (they are only private pay and most cost $20,000 year round). Brody could get more hours of therapies. We could buy some of the same equipment and tools the schools and therapists use and keep them at home for us to utilize. We could of course spend a lot more money on the biomedical treatment. There are a lot of alternative treatments within the biomedical treatment that cost a lot of money that, if we had the financial means, could try.

Jake and I are doing the best we can with the circumstances we are under. Everyone in this country right now are struggling and unemployment is really high right now. I don't feel we have been selfish and bought the nice clothes, fancy car or go on nice vacations and squander our income. Jake is working on his masters and is yet to work in the field he is going into so in a way he has the rest of his career left. There is a good chance the day will come that we are able to do well financially BUT it is right now that matters for Brody. Experts and doctors say the most hours of help, therapies, special education at the youngest age possible will result in the most improvements and progress.

So I guess I am angry cause I hate thinking Brody could be a lot better if we had more money. That shouldn't be how it is - there are state programs and help out there but it is very much like twisting someones arm off just to get the basic needs met let alone the best help out there for children like Brody.



I hate money. I hate people who do horrible things in the name of money, greed and "profit". I hate that those who don't have money are made to, in many ways, suffer cause they don't have money.



I want to go back to the barter system. I wish I could "trade" something to get Brody the help he needs and deserves...not sure what I would trade but at least I would have that option!!



Just venting and wanting a place to put my frustrations and anger